I bought a bag of cotton balls the other day and when I opened the bag up I felt something special…my brain went hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…cotton balls….
I think I love’em … so much so that I’ve created a list of amazing things I would do with them….
1♥I’d glue cotton balls on every sidewalk that I walk on so that I could walk barefoot everywhere
2♥I’d tie cotton balls from every branch of every tree in the universe
3♥I’d glue them to my body and spray paint myself silver and grey and become a wolf that liked to fly and then jump out of trees and try to fly and see what happens
4♥I’d color them with sharpies and then attach them together to make a mask and then wear the mask while I’m bike riding and swoon off the sharpie fumes and at the same time avoid getting wind and dust up my nose
5♥I’d make the largest cotton ball hat that was ever made and then bring it to the park and play that game where I call out what the cloud shapes are and then jump really high in the air and pretend I’m a cloud and try to guess what cloud shape I am
6♥I’d magically replace every bullet with cotton balls filled with jam and then when people shoot’ em they will think they’ve killed someone or something but really they have just cotton ball jammed someone or something
7♥I’d take all my cash and then glue two bills together like a pocket and then stuff it with as many cottonballs as I can and then glue the top and create poofy money cause poofy money is way more fun than flat money
8♥I’d write a play that only starred cottonballs and a billy goat with really floppy ears and it would be a romantic comedy thriller action play where all the cottonballs would act in the nude except for feathers propped on their heads…and the twist would include a tandem puke scene with the two main characters …and they would puke sparkles mixed with split pea soup…and then they would have cottonball sex while unbeknown to them the cottonball who is actually the murderer who whistles while he murders is watching them and he pops out of the closet and says “AHA I Got YOU! ” and then he jumps up to stab them with his feather that he had sharpened into a shiv while he whistles…but then the billy goat with the floppy ears flies into the scene using his big ears as wings and he jumps on top of the killer cottonball and knocks the feather shiv out of reach and saves the day…